A Bankotsu Jakotsu Story: The Nerd
by Gerbil
Summary: Kept up ONLY for nostalgia! I wrote this when I was like 12 years old! Silly little ADHD-Ridden-Younger-Me.


It was beautiful summer morning! The glorious sun melted into little rays that slipped off the petals of flowers like, warm summer rain.  
  
And enjoying the morning, was Shichinin-tai... well, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, and  
Suikotsu where!  
  
Renkotsu was grumbling about brats and there nonsense. But sadly, later in the morning, Renkotsu had a little 'accident'! (A/N: Yatta!)  
  
Jakotsu was walking with Bankotsu down a path when they suddenly noticed a strange "something" on the ground. They walked over to it, and found that it was a head.  
  
"Ooaniki? What's that?" asked Jakotsu.  
"No idea, looks like a... head. Wearing glasses."  
"Should we... poke it?"  
  
"...Why not..."  
Poke poke  
  
Suddenly, the head started to talk. "Do YOU know the square root of 3290234823948?"  
  
Bankotsu jumped back, Jakotsu stood his ground. "I wonder if it has blood!" Jakotsu said.  
  
"I think its a nerd!" Bankotsu stated. "Poke it ooaniki, poke it!" Jakotsu said.   
  
Poke poke  
  
The 'thing' turned its head around.  
  
"Did you know that a snake smells with it's tongue?"  
"Jakotsu-kun... are you sure that it was a good idea?" Asked Bankotsu edging away from the 'thing'.  
  
"Nope ooaniki!" Replied Jakotsu cheerfully.  
"Did you know that area 51 is suspected of containing aliens?"  
"Ooaniki? What's an a-lee-n? And where's area 51?  
"...no idea"  
  
Bankotsu was freaked.  
  
"I think it's lonely Ooaniki! It needs companions!" Jakotsu said.  
  
"Did you know that the human body produces its own supply of alcohol naturally on a continous basis, 24 hours a day, seven days a week?!" 'Thing' stated.  
  
"We need to assassinate it, some how!" Bankotsu said.  
  
"Nani!? How?" Jakotsu asked.  
  
"While, first I need some tape! Now Jakotsu!" Bankotsu demanded.  
"Hai ooaniki!" Jakotsu handed him tape, that just mysteriously appeared in his hand.  
"Macaroni!" Bankotsu added.  
  
Jakotsu handed him the Macaroni that also appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"The King penguin is the second largest penguin. It is sometimes confused with the larger Emperor penguin!" The 'thing' said.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Jakotsu mumbled kicking it.  
"Did you know that homosexual people are 19% more likely to die in a car crash?" The thing retorted.  
  
"W-what! That's not true!" Jakotsu yelled at the 'thing' "And what ARE kh-ar crashees anyways?"  
Bankotsu just shrugged. "Boncy ball?"  
  
The 'thing' and Jakotsu started to glare each other... each eye in contact with the other.  
  
"Ok... this 'thing' is very pertinent... and Jakotsu, calm down!" Bankotsu announced.  
  
Jakotsu kicked the 'thing' and walked to Bankotsu's side. "But it started it Ooaniki...!" Jakotsu whined.  
  
Bankotsu sighed.  
  
"What have I told you about blaming other people...or head 'things' for your own problems!?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
"To just kill them right away?!" Jakotsu stated.  
  
"Iieeee! You talk with them, then if that does not work... tell someone else, if that don't work, then kill them!" He said like it was a fact.  
  
"Gomen..." Jakotsu said.  
"See i'll show you!" Bankotsu said.  
"Yatta!" Jakotsu cheered.  
  
"Like this... excuse me... Mr.Nerd, could you leave my friend alone?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
"Most people think talking is the answer to there problems, but violence is the real solution to there problems, baka-head!" The nerd 'thing', said.  
  
"GRRRR! Stupid head thing!" Bankotsu said as he tackled the 'thingy' to the ground.  
  
"DIE BAKA HEAD THINGY!!!" Bankotsu yelled trying to kill it.  
"Hmmm... you seem very strong for your age, how old are you? 14?" Asked the head 'thing'.  
  
"IIE! I'M 17 DAMN BLOODY HELL!!!!" Yelled Bankotsu. "It's not my falt I'm short for my age..." Bankotsu went to a random corner and sulked.  
  
"Awww... poor you ooaniki..." said Jakotsu. "You shouldn't have said that head 'thingy'! You hurt his feelings!"  
  
The head 'thing' made a freaky smirk, as it stared at Jakotsu.   
  
"It's not my fault he was upset over such an inconvenient status, and i'm very unconvinced that he's even near 15!" 'Thing' stated.  
  
"Baka know-it-all!" Jakotsu said as he drew Jakotsutou. "Your gonna wish you never brung those smart, and fun facts into our lives!" Jakotsu sneered.  
  
"I'm so afraid! Did you know, when people, animals, and organisms are angry and attack, theres a 90% chance there gonna loose the battle big-time!" Heady 'thing' said.  
  
Jakotsu ignored the 'thing' and flicked Jakotsuto towards 'thing'!  
  
And it missed big time.  
  
'Thing' took time to mock Jakotsu.  
  
"See! I told you so!" Sneered the head.  
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it off..." Fumed Jakotsu. "You don't know everything!"  
"You wanna bet?" Challenged the 'head'.  
"What's Ryou from Yu-Gi-Oh's favourite food?"  
"Creampuffs."  
"Errr... What animal does Ayame from Fruits Basket turn into?"  
"Snake"  
"Anou... what's Lief's child from Deltora quest?"  
"He doesn't have one."  
"...damn this guy is good..."  
  
Jakotsu smirked, 'This guy is simple.' Jakotsu thought. "Huh!? Where did you learn that Jakotsu-Chan?" Bankotsu asked, as he left his sulking state.  
  
"Ummmm... eheheheheh..." Jakotsu fumbled.  
  
All of a sudden, the 'thing' started to fizzle. Then it bursted into 'Muhahahahas' and 'Buhahahahaha', ect.  
  
"Whats it doing ooaniki?"  
"No idea..."  
"Why are rats large, ooaniki?"  
"Becuse they eat to much..."  
"Is the moon made of cheese ooaniki?"  
Fidget  
"Hai..."  
"Can I torture Renkotsu-no-ooaniki?"  
"Hai."  
  
"Is there any clarity in the word 'Gov-errrr-ment'?"  
"Hai, Jakotsu-Chan..."  
"Will you marry me?"   
"Hai Jakotsu-chan..."  
"YATTA!"   
"Oh damn... IIE IIE IIE!" Bankotsu said in a comeback.  
  
"You SURE about that ooaniki?" Smirked Jakotsu.  
"Hai! Hai! HAI!!!!" yelled Bankotsu in desperation.  
"Oh damn... and there I was thinking that you loved me..."  
  
"Not like THAT, I'm straight!"  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Yelled the nerd. "George Bush has anounced that homo and bi people can't adopt! Kukukukuku..."  
Jakotsu blinked. "What the heck is Bush? Is it a type of makeup?"  
"I don't think so..."  
  
"I wan't some of this bush-stuff!" Jakotsu stated.  
  
"No Jakotsu-Chan..." Bankotsu said.  
  
"Why not, ooaniki?"  
  
"Becuse the 'thing' told you about it!"   
"Can I kill the 'thing'?"   
  
"Hai..."  
"Yatta!" Jakotsu squealed.  
  
Jakotsu flicked his mighty sword at the 'thing'.  
  
But in some weird, against the power of kami, gravity, and gravy, the head jumped back in an awsome flip, dodged the sword... matrix style.  
  
'Thing' landed, and hit a square punch into.... a pickle jar, with its head.  
  
"What the heck?" Said Jakotsu angrily. "That totally goes against the power of kami, gravity, and gravy! Wait a sec, what IS gravy in the first place?"  
"Don't ask me, I'm just a SHORT and PUNY little FOURTEEN YEAR OLD!!! I'll go back to sulking now..."  
"Awww... there there ooaniki... I don't think your short... even if you are a bit shorter than Inuyasha who is 2 years younger than you..."  
  
"Not helping, Jakotsu-Chan..."   
"Errrm...Gomen..."   
"Moo, did you know cows actully say 'mmmrrr', not moo."  
"Your not helping either, heady!" Jakotsu stomped.  
"Gomen..." Head 'thing' said.  
  
All of a sudden a large "CRASH BOOM BANG" was heard.  
  
The three (Yes, even 'thing') ran to the scene. In the middle of the clearing, was a dark blob of water.  
  
"Did you know that 85% of your body is made of water, but homo's are only 17% - ?" 'Thing' said.  
  
"HEY!" Jakotsu made an angry face, and squished the 'thing' under his foot.   
  
(A/N: No, 'thing' does not have arms, neck, legs, nothing but a head)  
  
"Say, doesn't that blob look a lot like Renkotsu-no-ooaniki?"  
"How can a blob look like a ho?" Asked the heady thingy. "I never knew that homosexuals have bad eyesite, guess I'll just add that to my knowlege."  
  
"What the HECK?!?!?! No we don't!!! And that does look like Renkotsu ooaniki, if you squint like this..."  
"What do you think happened to him?" asked Bankotsu.  
  
"Dunno..." Both of them anwsered.  
  
The blob thing stood up...  
  
"I am..."  
  
"Renkotsu?" Jakotsu guessed.  
  
"Santa!?" 'Thing' said.  
  
"Mary poppins..." Jakotsu stated.  
  
"Walt Disney?" 'Thing' geussed also.  
  
"No i'm..." It stopped.  
  
"I'm..."  
  
"..."  
  
"YES!?" Both asked.  
  
"A...blob of water..." The blob of water said.  
  
All three of them fell down, well 'thing' tryed to.  
  
"Ok, this is getting us no where... Bankotsu-no-ooaniki, I'm borde!" Jakotsu said.  
"This is pointless..." Bankotsu sighed.  
  
"Spiders are predators paralyzing or killing their prey with venom. They typically feed by injecting a predigestive fluid into the body of their prey and then suck out the digested food. There favorite prey are homosexuals..." 'Thing' randomly said.  
  
They all stood there, but Jakotsu as usual was fuming.  
  
"But...." the blob continued. "I am also..."  
"Yes..." They all leaned forward.  
"I am also..."  
"YES..."  
"H2O!!!" The blob finished.  
Everyone fell down. Well the head tried to, but didn't managed, but instead landed in a pickle jar again.  
"WHY AM I ALWAYS IN A PICKLE JAR!?!?!?"  
"Because, you insulted Homo and Bi sexuals!" Jakotsu said smugly.  
"...That does not make sense Jakotsu-kun."  
"...I know"  
  
The blob of water, that we shall call H20, was running for the hills.  
  
"Why is it running, ooaniki?"  
"Becuse it's a baka..."  
"Why are we not chasing it, ooaniki?"  
"Becuse the script says so..."  
"Why are we reading of it anyway?"  
  
'Thing' then exploded, and inside of the exploded head, was a mini nerd 'thing'.  
Both gasped...  
  
"What happend, 'thing'?" Bankotsu asked.  
"Overload." 'Thing' said with a sweat drop.  
  
"Where is the script?" Jakotsu asked.  
"Dunno... Do you think we should look for it?"  
"Yatta!" Jakotsu said. "Where do you think we should look first?"  
"Trust a homosexuall to have no clue..." Muttered the head.  
"Stuff it..." Jakotsu said said stomping on the head.  
"Itai...."   
"Do you want to ask if Kyoukotsu knows anything about the myterious script?" asked Bankotsu.  
"Hai!"  
  
(2 hours later)  
  
All three of them walked to Kyoukotsu, he was with the rest of the Shichinin-tai.  
  
Renkotsu was rebuilding Ginkotsu's head, the jaw had broke while in there lastest mission.  
  
Suikotsu was running around in circles, yelling "Get out of my head!"  
  
They found Kyokotsu, eating a nearby rats head.  
  
"Out of your mouth, NOW!" Bankotsu yelled as soon as he saw the big mans lunch.  
"Huh? Leader... greatest apologies..." Kyokotsu apologized.  
"So we need help with script, do you know anything about it?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
(With Jakotsu)  
  
Jakotsu sat, watching Renkotsu's fiery handywork set.  
Renkotsu pretended not to notice him, but was very unrepentant.  
"What do you want, you independent little brat!!!?" Renkotsu roared.  
"Nothing, Renkotsu-No-Ooaniki..." Jakotsu said...  
  
(With Bankotsu and Kyokotsu)  
  
"So you no nothing about this...script sutff?" Bankotsu asked,  
"No, aniki..."  
"You know who may know?"  
"Ummm... Suikotsu maybe?"  
"Ok...i'll ask him..."  
  
(With Jakotsu and Renkotsu)  
  
"How come your fixing Ginkotsu? He looks fine...!" Jakotsu asked.  
"Grrrrr...becuse...he..cannot..talk...now..."  
"I like it when he can't talk, its weird!" Jakotsu announced.  
"Shut up, squint." Renkotsu demanded.  
"Gomen..."  
  
(With Bankotsu and Suikotsu)  
  
"YES!"  
"NO"  
"YES"  
"NO"  
"YES"  
"NO"  
"YES"  
"So you know, or don't you, Suikotsu-Chan?" Bankotsu asked.  
"Iie, hai, iie!"  
"This is going now no where..." Bankotsu sighed.  
  
(With Jakotsu and Renkotsu)  
  
Renkotsu was at Jakotsu's throat.  
  
Choke, gag, cough  
  
"Owwiiieee!" Jakotsu whimpered in pain.  
  
Cough, gag, choke  
Bang, crash  
Poke  
  
"Opps, I think I killed Renkotsu-no-ooaniki...." Jakotsu backed away.  
  
(With Bankotsu)  
  
Sigh  
  
Bankotsu sat on the porch, sighing away. Jakotsu then walked out with him.  
"Hi ooaniki!" Jakotsu greeted.  
"Yo, Jakotsu-Chan..."  
"Find the information on script yet?"  
"No, Jakotsu..."  
"Oh..."  
"What did you do?"  
"Do what, ooaniki?"  
"You are never interested in the info, unless its about the mutt! You did somthing!"  
"Ermmm...maybe...."  
"What did you do?" Bankotsu repeated himself.  
"I..."  
"Yes?"  
"I killed Renkotsu-Chan again." Huge sweat drop  
"Oh...no suprise there... where is he?"  
"Ehehehehe..."  
"What now?  
"I kinda threw him off a cliff."  
"Oh..."  
  
Everything was dull...Renkotsu was dead (A/N: Yatta this, yatta that :D) and Suikotsu was tearing himself to bits, one piece at a time.  
  
"...I'm bored ooaniki..." Jakotsu said after awhile.  
"Me too... do you want to do something totally pointless and a waste of time?" asked Bankotsu  
"Sure! You want to play hopscotch?"  
"...why not."  
"Yatta! Okay, I'll go first." said Jakotsu as he tossed a stone that mysteriously appeared on to a hopscotch thingy that mysteriously appeared.   
The stone landed on a 6.  
  
Jakotsu hoped on the numbers, that also magically appeared as he jumped.  
He landed on 4 before he slipped.  
  
"You ok, Jakotsu-Chan?"  
"Hai...Your turn ooaniki!"  
"O..k..."  
  
Bankotsu picked his stone up a threw it.  
It yelled. "I'M FREE!"  
And flew away...  
  
"...Ermm....I think we should play a new game Jakotsu-Chan..."  
  
"I think so too ooaniki..." Jakotsu said watching the stone fly away. "...Hide and seek?"  
"No."  
"Spin the bottle?"  
"NO!"  
"Truth or dare?"  
"N- okay, that one doesn't sound THAT bad... I'll go first."  
"Hai!"  
"Truth or dare Jakotsu?"  
"Truth."  
"Anou... why do you like boys?"  
"Because their blood taste better than girls! And their bones sound better when they snap."  
"...I didn't need to know that."  
  
"But its true ooaniki!!!"  
"Errrr..."  
"My turn!"  
"Oh joy..."  
"Truth or dare???"   
"D-Truth!!!"  
"Aww... your no fun...Why do you like filth?"  
"Becuse there great, they are really pretty...they're good for house work!"  
"And i'm not?"  
  
Cricket Chrip  
  
"Don't start that again Jakotsu-Chan!"  
  
pout  
  
"Truth or dare Jakotsu?"  
"Dare."  
"Ummmm... Do the chicken dance!" Bankotsu said after a while.  
"Awww... nothing kinky?"  
blink blink  
"JAKOTSU!!!!"  
"I was just asking... shesh..." And with that, Jakotsu started to do the chicken dance.  
"Okay, truth or dare ooaniki?"  
"I know I'll hate myself for this, but... dare..."  
"YATTA!!!! You don't know how much FUN I'm going to have..."  
  
Shiver  
  
"I can take that back....right?"  
"Iie!" Jakotsu said.  
"There is a 99.9% chance the homo is gonna make you do somthing inappropriate!"  
"Shut-up head!"  
"Wow, head is pretty smart I admit..."  
"Jakotsu..." Bankotsu said in a warning voice.  
"I can take sides right Ooaniki?!"  
  
"In this case, as long as it keeps you occupied from the main topic, i'm happy!"  
"OH! About that!"  
"Uggh... and when did you get here, 'thing'?"  
"Eheheheheh..." Head 'thing' said.  
  
"...I guess I got here when I heard that you chose dare when playing with Jakotsu."  
"...how can you hear if you have no ears?" asked Bankotsu.  
"Ah, that will forever be one of the world's unsolveable mysteries..."  
"So, ooaniki, what can I make you do...?" asked Jakotsu grinning evily.  
"...No bondage, onegai?"  
"Awww... why must you always be such a party pooper ooaniki?" pouted Jakotsu.  
  
Cough  
  
"I dare you to..."  
"Yes?"  
"I think its not 99.9% anymore, its a 100% guarantee now!"  
"Shut up head!"  
"No"  
"Yes"  
"No"  
"Yes!"  
"NO NO IIE IIE!"  
"Excuse me, but your runing my moment of tense you two!" Jakotsu complained.  
"Grrrrr..." 'Thing' said.  
"Please do somthing simple, Jakotsu-chan..."  
"I dare..."  
"LIKE THE CHICKEN DANCE!" Bankotsu interrupted.  
"Shhh, quite Ooaniki, i'm trying to tell you what I'm gonna dare you!"  
"..."  
  
"I dare you to...."  
"... don't even think about it..!"  
"...EAT JAKEN SOUP!"   
  
(A/N: Hah! Take that, look at rating, not romance :P)  
  
"WHAT THE...ERR.."  
"..." Nerd 'thing' was silent.  
"That counts as inappropriate!" Head 'thing' stated, not wanting to be wrong.  
"Nuhu!"  
"Yea-hu!"  
  
"Grrr! Can I just have the stupid soup now?" Bankotsu asked.  
"You have to catch it!" Jakotsu smiled.  
  
"What??? You never sa-"  
"-I forgot." Jakotsu added.  
  
Sweatdrop  
  
Bankotsu walked off with his halbred to find, Jaken.  
  
"Well, its just you, me, and that half dead man, 'thing'!"  
"The chances of human surviving an earthquake is 2 in 10 chance!"  
  
The half dead guy moved.  
  
"Eeep! He's alive, save me head 'thing'!"  
"I would never save the likes of yo-"  
  
Jakotsu had jumped on top on the head, nerd 'thing'.  
  
"Save me!"  
  
"Ouff"  
  
The half dead man staggered to his feet, then all of a sudden, appeared in front of Jakotsu and head 'thing'.  
  
"I'll be taking that!" The half dead man said as he pushed Jakotsu off the head, and picked up the 'thing' and floated into space.  
  
Jakotsu stared as they floated away into the sunset.  
  
-o-o-o-  
Later  
-o-o-o-  
  
We see Jakotsu and Bankotsu chatting.   
  
(A/N: We never did see Bankotsu eat Jaken, oh well!)  
  
"What about Renkotsu-no-Aniki....?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
"Aliens revived him." Jakotsu said in a sad pout.  
  
"Sesshoumaru?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
"He dyed his hair pink,.. I like it silver." Jakotsu pouted more.  
  
"Mutt?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
"WHERE?!" Jakotsu asked in excitment.  
  
"No, what happened to him?!" Bankotsu asked again, feeling slightly irritated.  
  
"Oh...dang...dunno..." Jakotsu answered.  
  
"Head, nerd 'thing'?" Bankotsu asked.  
  
"He was abducted by Bill Gates for ransom..." Jakotsu answered.  
  
--------------------  
- THE END -  
  
Dun dun dun duhhhh!  
  
Thankyou for reading, our great readers!  
  
Writen by: Dragon Pearl 1, and Gerbil.  
Simple spell check done by: Dark diamon fate  
Read by: YOU!  
  
Please review....  
Yes, this was a VERY long fanfiction, but we still hope you enjoyed.  
  
If you noticed and mistakes that where missed, please do say and it will be fixed TT  
Thankyou again!  
  
Jakotsu: I swear, that was not me there! It was a stunt Dude-Ooaniki, I would of used my dare for somthing WAY better...   
  
smirk  
  
Bankotsu: ...lovely..  
  
sarcasim  
  
Head Thing: I'm not so sure about that, in fact he....-  
  
Jakotsu: STUFF IT!   
  
Throws head away  
  
Chizzle: Ehehehehe...  
  
Bankotsu and Jakotsu:   
  
Icy Glare  
  
Chizzle: I'll be going... bye bye!  
  
Ming-Ming: AND REVIEW   
  
Chizzle and Ming-Ming:   
  
Run away 


End file.
